It's Always You
by FuckEverything
Summary: She's tired of it all and he's oblivious. Isn't it obvious how this is going to end up? RakuxChitoge. If you're bored, give it a shot. But be warned, it's mediocre.
1. Chapter 1

So here's a RakuxChitoge. I like this couple the best in Nisekoi and got the most random inspiration/idea ever to write this. Idk, I'm just bored and think it's whatever. Let me know if I should continue or delete this. Enjoy... I guess~

* * *

_**It's Always You**_

She didn't _leave_ because she wasn't strong enough to fight for _it_; she _left_ because, no matter what she did, she was just…never good enough…

Several people in fact, would say she did the right thing. Others would say she chose wrong. A few would even call her a coward and say that she never loved _it_ enough to stay; to continue fighting…

But some...**those **_some, _that truly—completely understand: would actually **ask**, '_Just how, did you manage, to be so strong, for so long…?'_

The _funny_ thing…she doesn't even know herself…

* * *

From the time they met, (instinctively) she knew he was going to be a part of her life. She just didn't know _**how**_ much…

Kirisaka Chitoge, the daughter &amp; heir of the American gangster (mob) group, Beehive, was in all honesty &amp; sincerity, in love with Ichijou Raku, her 'boyfriend'. Her 'boyfriend', who was the son &amp; heir of a Yakuza group, were **forced** to be in a relationship.

See, their groups, were enemies. They despised one another. The bosses of each group though, begged to differ. They didn't hate one another. They could care less about the fact that their groups were now associated in the same territory. And though the groups should have the same attitude, (due to the fact that they must obey their boss, regardless of whatever he has decided) they didn't. They, for some reason, couldn't control their selves.

So in order to stop the unnecessary blood-shed, the bosses came up with a _great, harmless_, idea. They would have the heirs (who they love and would give their lives to protect) 'date'. This way, they would be forced to stop the fighting.

At first, it was all harmless, annoying, occasionally fun/funny, and honestly, quite enjoyable. The peace was kept in order. The days were filled with weird scenarios, friendship and laughter; the relationships between them all were becoming better and closer with one another…

Everything was fine; everything was great...

But soon, it all somehow just crashed and burned. Someone stopped having fun. Someone stopped smiling and hanging out. Someone even stopped talking. _Someone_, Kirisaka Chitoge, just finally got up and _left_. There was no warning either. One day, she just decided to give up. Because _that day_…that day, was the day she finally accepted that she would never be good enough for her 'boyfriend'.

It didn't take her long to realize it honestly. After being in a fake relationship with Raku for about 6 months—she just one day realized, that she indeed—was in love with him. Of course there was a bit of denial. I mean, it could've just been because of the fact that since they were together so much, it was about time she grew fond of him.

She's a really smart girl, so she quickly knew that to find out her true feelings, she would have to experiment, per say. And well, obviously you can guess where that had led to.

Chitoge of course was embarrassed, shocked, happy, and even a little disgusted; but in the end, she just accepted the fact and embraced that she will have to try and win his heart; quickly and for real this time.

There were other girls, who are also her classmates that were already in love with Raku from long ago. So she didn't have the time to take it slow. If she did, he could be snatched away and have her left broken-hearted.

In the beginning, Chitoge was very optimistic and happy to know that she indeed had a chance. After a while though, she realized…she never had a chance to begin with…

Chitoge never had a chance…because her 'boyfriend' was already in love. And he had been, ever since middle school…

He was in love with their classmate, his friend; Chitoge's very good friend, Onodera Kosaki.

To make matters worse, she was Chitoge's exact opposite. She was everything Chitoge wasn't and everything that Chitoge wanted to be. She wanted to be _that_, because if she was…maybe, just maybe…Raku…for once, would actually _notice_ her.

* * *

Obviously she tried. Chitoge tried for (well about) 2 and a half years. Ever since they started high school, from when they started 'going out', Chitoge had tried… She had him call her by her first name and nothing else. She lied about Claude (one of her bodyguards/a top member of Beehive) becoming extra suspicious about their relationship, again; in order for them to go on more 'dates'.

She even changed her hairstyle, her attitude, her wardrobe…she practiced cooking, cleaning, etc., just to have him really notice her; to look at her as a woman &amp; as a potential (real) girlfriend. She just wanted him to willingly &amp; sincerely call her cute; that her bentos tasted great, that she looked different and that the look suited her… That she was a great friend, just _fucking_ something…

Chitoge also cried a few times but got through it by reassuring herself that if she just tried harder, eventually, he will notice her. He will smile at her, laugh with her, think about her, and finally kiss her. Then he would tell her one day that he wants to break up; so that they can, right then and there, start over and become a real couple.

She wanted him to love her. She wanted to love him **and** be able to show it. She wanted to feel proud about her love, _their_ love…

But in the end, it really didn't matter. No matter what she did, the result was the complete opposite of her goal. In the end, all Ichijou Raku ('her boyfriend'), saw, was Onodera Kosaki…

That fact was always there. It was proven time after time, day after day. She knew it, anyone would…

She really wanted to keep fighting and persevere through it, but she couldn't. She was tired of it all. They were all already 6 months away from graduation. Meaning she had spent about 2.5 years, every single day, trying to win her boyfriend's heart…

_Funny _on how ironic that sounded…

* * *

They started going out a week after school started (in their freshmen year) which was April 14th. After 6 months, she confirmed her love for Raku. During their second year, again on April 14th, after a week of school had already passed…she heard something she shouldn't have. She heard Raku talking to Shu (Raku's best friend) about Onodera and how much in love he was with her…

It took her almost 2 weeks to recover from just hearing/trying to accept that fact. It really hit her hard. I mean come on anyone would be devastated under these certain circumstances.

Life after that though, of course got harder. Everything was just harder. Eating, sleeping, concentrating, bathing, grooming, school, even breathing… She just didn't know how to handle it.

So she smacked herself good a couple times and had finally decided to just try. She didn't want to leave it as an what if; regardless of how hurt she could possibly be…

She had gone back to her usual, actual self. She got involved, and fought. She did what she thought she should, what she actually should, and what she possibly should; she tried, over and over again.

She created opportunities and sometimes, even the perfect settings. Just, it never worked. Someone would pop up and ruin everything or someone would call at the wrong moment; someone would intentionally 'cock block' her, consistently…

Fate just wouldn't let her win. And the one time she really thought she would win…well of course she didn't…

Raku had ended up in the hospital after a dangerous incident with some random thugs. They had tried to rob Chitoge and possibly rape her. So Raku had stepped in and fought the two guys off. One ended up pulling out a knife and stabbed Raku right in the back.

The guys ran knowing the police would show up; Chitoge obviously called for an ambulance. The wound was deep and for some reason, wouldn't stop bleeding.

Raku had gotten surgery and everything was fine; Chitoge, being his girlfriend and all, ended up being his first visitor after he had regained consciousness. She tried not to cry but couldn't help and ended up yelling at him for being such a stupid beansprout. She was angry yet so thankful that he protected her and came back alive.

He didn't move either. He only grabbed her hand and assured her he'd be ok. Chitoge on the other hand, ended up crying more and then leaving after a small conversation; unnoticed, she had dropped her house keys though and didn't realize till she was outside the hospital.

She quickly rushed up to get them but instead ended up standing outside the slightly opened door, of Raku's room. No one but her was there since the hospital claimed he wouldn't be allowed visitors till he awakened (which could've been at any time, so of course no one could wait so long, they have lives too).

But Chitoge knew she wouldn't be able to function till she talked to him again; so it didn't matter if she had to put her life on hold for a day or even a week. She will wait, because she loves him…

Hearing the voices, she concluded it was indeed Onodera Kosaki. Somehow Onodera was there, with perfect timing; Chitoge was happy and sad at the same time. She was thinking about why she felt the way she did but was immediately interrupted when she heard Onodera crying her eyes out.

Onodera had got up and yelled at him for being stupid, reckless and about how worried she was because of him. She didn't want him to die; she also didn't wanna sit at the moment and was quite far from the bed at this point. She was just as upset as Chitoge was; she was just more _open_ about it…

So after not hearing the either of them say a word for almost a minute, Chitoge thought Raku would do what he did to her… But he didn't. He got up, while groaning in pain and walked over to Onodera. He hugged her tightly as if it were the last action he'd ever do. He cried with her and said he was so sorry for doing it. He didn't mean to cause her such sadness.

_He hugged her with what little strength he had and even cried._

Onodera eventually responded by crying louder while also placing her hands around his shoulders. It looked as if they were about to kiss…

That… That really just sent Chitoge over the edge. That was when she knew that Raku would only cry in front of and make that extra effort, only for Onodera. It sickened her and made her almost want to vomit.

She didn't know why but she understood… He was in love with her after all, so it was honestly quite a normal response when taking that factor into consideration. That's probably why she almost wanted to vomit. She hated how differently he treated her and Onodera. She hated how she understood why it was done…

But most of all, she hated the fact that he will **never**, love her…


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**I seriously, seriously feel like i just...idk this chapter... i fucked my self over. ANyway i hope this...makes sense...? i really don't want it to be too long because I'm def a really slow updater since i lose the motivation for writing... if you like it, bear with me then... Enjoy as well, i guess...

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After Raku had finally gotten out of the hospital, everything seemed to have gone back to normal. They all hung out and laughed as the days passed by. They did what they always did, acted how they always acted; the only differences were, they held a bit more appreciation for life and that someone was completely pretending…

Her pretending skills were so good, that Chitoge could've won an Oscar had she been acting in a part.

Chitoge fooled everyone with her smiles and laughter. She had such a brave face on while continuing her/their second year. She faked the excitement about them soon becoming third years; she even faked the stress of how she would have to make sure she studies to make sure she'll be accepted to the best colleges in Tokyo.

No one noticed and no one cared enough to really pay attention. And after a while, she just couldn't keep up the façade anymore. She gave up and just kept blowing them off with random excuses. When someone asked if she was '_okay_' or anything similar, she'd just shrug them off; telling (warning) them to just drop it and mind their business.

She avoided their attempts when they would try to trap her, in order to talk. She even rejected the constant calls and e-mails from her father &amp; mother (even though they were so rare). She wanted to not talk to anyone and just silently move on, bit by bit.

She especially didn't want them to find out about her actually going to college in America after they all graduate. If they did, they'd really tie her up and bombard her till she answers their _fucking_ questions.

She knows they do _care_, and she appreciates it. But she just wanted to leave. No talking could/would fix this. Even if it made it a little better—nothing, absolutely nothing would change. She's wasted enough time in her life; she doesn't want to waste anymore. It's so oddly complicated that it's simple; the man she loves is in love with someone else. There was no point in sugarcoating, as there was no point in mentioning it. If she did mention it, the response and aftermath…would just show how right she'd be…

She would tell him, he would be shocked. He will say sorry and that he _loves _her, he really does, just not the same way… He would hope that they could really remain friends, while also wishing that she'll be happy. But what's the point in wishing that, when it's the wish he _can_ grant, but won't.

She didn't need anyone else's pity; she had enough of her own. What she wanted and **needed**, was an escape. And she's found it… Her escape will be there. It's only for another 6 months, then she can finally start on trying to be happy once again. Chitoge won't look back. She will only say goodbye and hope for _him_ to be happy. If she can't ever be happy, then at least he will be… That's what she thinks, that's what she believes; because honestly, there's no point in two people being unhappy, when it's because of only _one_ person's un-happiness.

….

From the day she found out about Raku's love for Onodera…was the _actual_ day she knew she would never _win_. She didn't falter though; she didn't give up at all. She strived and still went for it all. She knew the outcome and still fought for the outcome she wanted.

She's not pathetic. She's not a weak, sad, poor soul. She's a strong woman who truly deserves whatever it is she wants. Her heart is in the _right_ place; it just wasn't there at the right _time_…

And eventually, Raku, finally picked up on this. She's his 'honey' after all. So it was only a matter of time till he did. Something was wrong with Chitoge and he _needed_ to find out. He went to her house and ended up in her room, waiting for her to return from the convenience store. He did what he shouldn't have and snooped around. He found a bunch of random stuff that seems like junk.

Of course there was one thing that wasn't. It was a paper with a bunch of information on what colleges she had applied to/had to finish applying to. When he saw the top 3 schools listed under 'applied', his heart really did feel like it stopped.

Once he saw the location of the schools, it was a confirmation on the matter of that _something_ being wrong with Chitoge; if there was nothing wrong, she wouldn't have applied to only American colleges. She wouldn't have lied about going to university in Tokyo with the rest of them…

The wait for her had all of a sudden become as drastic as possible…

In just 6-months, Kirisaka Chitoge, his _girlfriend_, will no longer be here…

….

As Chitoge turned on the lights in her room, she couldn't help but scream in surprise. Raku was for some reason in her house, in her room, on her bed, in the dark…

"W-why're you here you stupid beansprout and seriously, can you not do that next time, idiot?!"

"**Chitoge**…"

The way he said her name… Chitoge could practically see sirens going off around the room. He had found some-…

"You looked around and found _it_, didn't you…?"

"Oh, so it's that obvious? Well good. So, can you explain, without trying to get off topic? And **don't** even try to tell me, to mind my own business. I'm your _boyfriend_. Everything concerning you is my business."

Instead of an immediate response, Chitoge just couldn't help but laugh. She laughed so hard she started crying. But the tears weren't just from the laughter…

"You really…you really have some nerve to be saying that…because you're _'my boyfriend'…_.? Please, you aren't and have **never,** been **my boyfriend**. It took you this long to confront me, you never noticed for how long I was pretending to be 'okay'; we were _forced_ into this relationship, and you have **never** loved me."

"What're you talking about, I do lo-"

"DON'T YOU DARE FUCKING SAY _THAT_! You don't love me! You love Kosaki! Don't you li-…lie to…m-me…"

Chitoge really wanted nothing more than to not break down. But she couldn't help it. All the unsaid things, along with all the untold and unacted emotions…they just all started to come out at once. She wanted to yell more but she could feel the sadness and the depression in her voice. It was choking her and she ended up just sounding so hoarse and pathetic…

Raku of course started panicking, not knowing if he should comfort her or allow her to calm down by herself and continue; he could at least tell that she had more to say.

As Chitoge felt she could finally speak again, she cleared her throat, grabbed a pillow to hug and sat down on the floor of her room, with her back along her closet door…

"Hey, Raku…you know…I, I love you. I really do. I just couldn't help falling for you. It only took 6 months. So you can tell what that means right? I've been in love with you since freshmen year, for 2 and a-half years. Every single fucking day, for those 2 plus years…I have loved you. And I still do."

"Chitoge I-I don't…"

"Yea, I-…I know. I already k-know y-your answer... It's _okay_ it's really not your fault. Look, I've already given up. I tried over and over again, but you never noticed anything but Kosaki. That day when she visited you in the hospital, when you walked over to her, hugged her, and cried in front of her… That told me everything. The things, the side of you that you show her…the way you simply act around her… I've always known Raku, there's no way I'm wrong. I've spent 912 days, thinking and looking at nothing but **you**."

"Chitoge, I'm sorry! I really just…"

"Don't apologize you stupid beansprout; there's no point in apologizing. My situation is quite simple to explain. The man I love is in love with someone else. But that's also exactly why…I'm _leaving_. I can't be near you, I can't be happy around you. I don't want to be with you anymore. And you can't ask me to stay nor for me to be happy. You _can't_ give me the happiness I want; you can't be selfish enough to ask me to stay when I'm in love with you and just watch you love &amp; go out with someone else. I've made my decision and I don't want to talk about this anymore. Words can't and won't do anything to make me feel better. The only thing I want, the only thing that can make me happy, is something you _**won't**_ give _me_. So please, **please **at least do me the favor of leaving me alone and not mention _this_ to **anyone..**. It's the least you can _give_ me…"

Raku is, as we all know, oblivious and quite an airhead; he's not too quick on his feet neither. So obviously he has nothing to say. Well, I doubt anyone would have anything to say if they were in this situation. He knows he can't leave. If he does, she's gone. She's almost already _gone_ and he doesn't want her to leave… He doesn't know why either. He's wished for nothing more (at least in the beginning) for a way out of this, so that he can freely go after Onodera. That's the girl he loves, his goal, his future happiness… At least he thought so because, at the moment, he honestly wants nothing more than for Chitoge to stay in Japan with them, _with him_…

He's just so confused and nothing at all, that he thinks, is making sense. Does he love Onodera…or does he love Chitoge...?

As he was about to come up with an honest answer, he looked Chitoge in the eye and could feel the rejection from her. She doesn't want him there any longer and he really doesn't have the right to stay. So instead of manning up and solving this, by coming up with his honest—severely thought about answer—he instead does what he always does and runs away…

He walks out the room, downstairs out of the mansion, without even responding to the' goodbyes' and 'see you laters' from the Beehive members. He's still shocked and confused; he's also pretty angry. He's lost her and didn't even try to fight for her. He didn't do anything and ran away from another problem that has to do with love…

In all honesty, he's never felt more stupid and pathetic in his entire life…

…..

Six months later, everyone is _coincidentally _wondering where Chitoge is. Graduation already finished. Her rooms empty, her phones disconnected, and she's nowhere to be found. Everyone that's searching for her is now rushing to find the only person they _know_, that knows where their 'ojou' has gone to…

Finally finding him on the top of the school roof, they all at once run at him, shoving each other to get through the narrow door-way. As he turns around surprised, along with the clear look of sadness over his face, he doesn't even wait for them to ask…

While surprisingly crying, (which shocked and feared everyone) Raku told them…

"Chitoge's gone. She went to America… And she's never coming back…"


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** Uhhhhh yea... this chapter might be sorta diff in a way but felt completely necessary. Some might really hate it lol (i do for certain reasons) but i had to have a chap like this sooner or later. so enjoy and...yea...

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The world can be viewed in so many different ways; with a constant change, regardless if positive or negative.

One day, the world is sparkling and everything is just so…_amazing_. And then there are days where you really just want to watch the world burn; especially since everything just feels and looks so worthless.

Whether you prefer the previous or the latter, it all just comes down to your mood; the consistent changing variables that life hits you with, and if you can still manage having the constants be kept in order and supported.

For Raku, he may not want to watch _the_ world burn, but if something was _burning_, it'd be _his_ world…

Once everyone heard about Chitoge going to the states **and** that she's not coming back… everyone just bombarded Raku with constant questions and serious accusations on his character and priorities, etc. Raku didn't even feel offended. Whatever they said, whatever they were saying, whatever they were thinking… it was all true…

…..

They all of course, tried to contact Chitoge immediately. They desperately tried to get into any form of contact. But, nothing worked… Chitoge was completely ignoring them and avoiding them. So, after a unanimous decision (and a month and a half later), they all decided to go to America to get her back.

That…. Well that didn't turn out well at all. They found her, they trapped her, and they talked to her. They each got their own turn to speak and say what they wanted to say. Chitoge listened and cried quite a few times. They really thought it was going to work; they just needed that finishing touch. And the only one, who could accomplish this, was of course her… _ex-boyfriend_.

But when it was his turn to speak, he had nothing to say. He truly did know her the best out of all of them. The silent conversation they had with just eye-contact, told him all he needed to know.

They really were _speaking_ to the one another. And if you were to ask Raku what he was saying (if you could even tell they actually were having a conversation) he would tell you, '_I can't remember anything other than begging her, and telling her please come back to me… I even lost count on how many times I said it…'_

To no avail though, did Chitoge agree. She kept responding with, _'No and she can't. She can't and she doesn't __**want **__to. Even if you __**do**__ love __**me, **__it won't __**last**__. You're just confused and want your __**friend**__ back, Raku. I'm not coming back, I'm sorry…'_

The silent conversation and 'staring contest' took place for about 6 minutes. Everyone was seriously so… the atmosphere was just so tense. They didn't know why (they couldn't realize the _conversation_ Raku and Chitoge were having) it was this tense and it just left them all speechless. No one wanted to say anything because they know only Raku can finish the job. Not to mention they didn't wanna say something that could end up fucking up the entire plan…

Finally, once Raku and Chitoge finished, Raku just cried a little and walked away. He left the room and started running. He didn't know where he was going but he couldn't handle the rejection from Chitoge. He felt so stupid, pathetic, angry and useless, **again**. He knows he fucked up by not noticing the **real** feelings he has. But he knows now, so why can't she believe him?! He loves Chito-…

… At that moment, Raku stopped running and crouched down to cover his face. He could feel a bit more tears fall out but it was really because of what it was he had realized. When he _said_ he loved Chitoge, he felt in his heart, that he did. But, when he did, he also saw Onodera's face, along with Chitoge's…

He may love Chitoge, but the feelings for Onodera were indeed there too; he was still in love with her, with both of them. That's why Chitoge rejected him. She wasn't the only one in his heart and she knew. She could _see_ it. But how could she see it and not Raku himself…

The answer was simple; once he thought about it more carefully, a memory surfaced.

'… _I love you Raku,, I always have.'_

'… _I've always known Raku, there's no way I'm wrong. I've spent 912 days thinking and looking at nothing but __**you**__…'_

Even the air-headed Raku could tell how cruel the situation was for Chitoge; how cruel Raku has been towards Chitoge. She's known all along that she's never been an option, let alone number one in _his_ heart. He never even took her into consideration…

And when he finally does realize, when he finally notices her, and when she's finally taken into consideration, she still wasn't number one.

Because, in terms of love for a significant other, there can **only** be **one**. If there are two, and he/she says you're number one in their heart… that's just a lie. To be number one, in someone's heart, as a lover—can only be possible, when you're the only one in their heart…

…

Eventually, they all had to go back to Japan and by all, obviously excluding Chitoge. Not even her father who begged, nor her mother who **ordered** her, had worked… _nothing_ got Chitoge to budge. They were lost and they all still didn't know the real reason why she left in the first place.

Chitoge, after contemplating for a while, knew she must tell some—**certain** people, the real reason. Cause if she didn't, she knows they would never stop…

Once those certain people heard the entire story, while seeing Chitoge's extremely painful expression—all of them were left in the same state Raku had been—once he heard. They were speechless and ridden with guilt every time they kept re-thinking on how to get Chitoge back to Japan. They really couldn't ask her to come back. How could anyone? It's not fair and it'll never allow Chitoge to be happy.

The guilt of asking was too much, so it left them speechless till the end. The atmosphere around the ones whom were told, felt so depressing and unapproachable. So eventually, everyone ended up the feeling the same way and just stopped speaking entirely. They just packed and left to go back home.

….

Raku took it the hardest when leaving and once back in Japan. Two months later, when they started college, Raku still hadn't recovered. Everyone else had and were back to trying to enjoy life.

It really did feel _empty_ and occasionally _lonely_ at certain times; nonetheless, they didn't let it stop them from enjoying _their_ lives. It hurt, but they must move on. Time will heal them all and they believe sooner or later, they'll all be reunited. That's what real friendship is for; that's what real friendship means; they'll always care, they'll always be there for her and comfort her… And they will always, always, wait for her, no matter what…

For Raku… Raku was still a lost cause. He kept hating himself more and more. It's too hard for some reason. But he can still feel those feelings for Onodera. I mean, he's been in love with her since middle school, so honestly it's not a shock that the feelings will take quite a while to disappear.

He's also been just going only straight to class and then straight home. He won't enjoy life because he feels he doesn't deserve happiness for what he's done to Chitoge. Why she should have been the only one to be hurt and feel like such shit for years…?

Out of nowhere, Onodera suddenly was outside his room staring at him. He hadn't even notice she opened the door. He was going to speak and ask why she was here and to leave him alone. But before he could, he was slapped, **hard.**

"I can't stand this Ichijou! You're making yourself miserable and damaging yourself, physically and mentally. You're making everyone around you so worried and scared! Life goes on! Chitoge is moving on; even if you don't want to, even if you can't… I'm here for you! I will be here for you and support you! I'm tired of crying and not doing anything for you. I love you! I have ever since middle school and I've done nothing but cause you grief and misery… I-I'm s-so sorry… I p-promised I wouldn't c-cry b-b-but I can't… I don't want to see you kill yourself. Even if it's not fair that I can't fight _for_ **you**, fairly, against Chitoge; I just can't sit here and continue to do nothing for the man I love. So **please** _come back_ to us, to _me!_ … If you can't do it alone, we'll help you. We're all here for you still. You still have us and _I'll_ be by you, for however long you need me…"

The sudden outburst from the shy, unspoken Onodera, made it clear to Raku on how bad the situation was; for not him, but for them all. He had been adding on to everyone else's unhappiness and worries. He made them sad by just being near them—because they care, they really do…

Raku said he wouldn't try to cry anymore either. After this, he will really try to live up to promise so he will have more time to smile. Life will move on, regardless of what Raku chooses to do…

As they both stop crying, because it's a 'in the moment' type of situation… Raku grasps hold of Onodera's face and gently rubs his thumb over her cheek repeatedly. As she blushes, she decides to just let her instincts take over and draws nearer towards Raku face.

When they finally kiss, they can feel the slight spark and continue till both were out of breath. After kissing again and again, they finally just lean on each other, forehead to forehead; they smile and don't even have to exchange words. They're a couple, and will get through it all, **together**.

… Now with the sudden grumble of Onodera's stomach (which causes her to be extremely embarrassed), Raku tilts his head towards the direction of the door; indicating for them to get something to eat.

As they walk off, while thinking of what to eat, they make sure… that their hands are completely, securely, and firmly, _entwined_…


	4. Chapter 4

Ok well this is so fucking delayed... Like cause of poker, writers-block, forgetting and just pure laziness (biggest reason) i havent updated this... I'm sorry! Anyway here's chap 4, it's short... But it's like i kinda had to do it to lead into the next chap. Ill have the next chap up by Saturday, PRMOISE! SO SORRY AGIN FOR SUCH A SHORT SHITTY CHAP!

**Warning:** I've kinda switched my writing style, more like reverted back to my original writing style. I kind switch it up on Fanfic because I know some readers aren't fluent in english due to it not being their first language so i try to make it easier and not include many... metaphors and deep meanings sometimes. But for this chap and ESPECIALLY the next you'll see what i mean... Hope you like it!

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Time is supposed to be able to heal all wounds. Chitoge believed that. She wanted to believe that; she **needed** to believe that…

It was the only way she could ever get over Raku. Her feelings were far too strong… They kept eating away at her. Even in America, all she could think about when not busy was Raku.

Raku, Raku, Raku, always _fucking_ Raku… She couldn't focus on anything else when she wasn't extremely busy. Nor could she work and go to school every day because she'd end up killing herself from overworking…

Life was supposed to get easier; it was supposed to allow her to move on. But life isn't that simple and not nearly that fair. It wanted her to feel hurt, to suffer and feel pain; it wanted her to rot while still suffering in agony. Life wanted her to be a loser and in the worst way possible…

**[X]**

But that was only for the first year and a half. She's already 19 almost 20. And with another year and half gone…well let's just say time did its job. But honestly, not a good one…

See, Chitoge _did_ move on. She met new people and had her fair share of flings. She's a young, beautiful girl, in college and in America nonetheless. Mix that with her natural desires and well, you get the obvious picture.

Chitoge 'dated' and slept with a few men. Those, 'ex-boyfriends' (they were clearly sex friends, well at least to Chitoge they were) were all just used for her physical desires/needs. She didn't have any emotional connection to anyone nor anything.

And that was the bad job that time had done. It didn't _heal_ her; it _numbed _her. She didn't feel a thing with anyone. She tried of course to fall in love with them, but to no avail. She was only attracted physically, regardless of how many times they had sex. None of them made her smile. They just made her less horny, way less bored and in a sense, relieved.

It didn't even shock her to be honest. Chitoge just concluded that this was what time did for her. If she can't move on, then she'd just stay stuck in time and not care. She figured it was better than not having an option at all (how wrong she was, she didn't even know the half of it).

If any of her friends could see her now, she knows how they'd react or at least think…

Along with the numbness and coldness she developed—the more calculative she became. She could read a situation, person, and atmosphere perfectly. The less emotional she got, the more she could really see people for who they are, what was needed to be done and how it was to be done.

It really was the unhealthiest way for her to _heal_. This in a sense—was worse than running away and remaining in a sense of denial…

Because at least when you're running away, you at least acknowledge that there is a problem…

**[X]**

At least for now though, Chitoge realizes that there is indeed _a_ problem. That problem was summer vacation…

Last year, after her first year finished, she lied to father about failing a class and having to make it up over the summer. Now, due to the fact that her father checked up on all school related matters this year, Chitoge doesn't have any reasonable lie to give her father on why she can't go back to Japan to visit.

She really didn't want to go. But after a little bit of thinking, she concluded that it was actually fine now. That's because she figured that the way she is now, she won't be affected by any bad memories at all.

She even almost smiled about seeing everyone again. She was cruel the last time she was in Japan, also the last time she talked with any of her friends. Chitoge was especially kind of cruel towards Tsugumi because she strictly ordered her to not move to America with her. If she did, she'd fire her and end their friendship (though this was clearly a bluff).

So getting to apologize would be a nice/the last weight off her shoulders. Because that really was the last thing holding her back from being completely numb…

**[X]**

Chitoge really did intend to apologize but the second she stepped foot off that plane, everyone was there to greet her and smother her. She couldn't even breathe let alone let out a word of apology. But she didn't mind too much, she just figured she'd apologize later.

After being released from their clutches for just a few moments, Chitoge looked around for two specific people. She didn't see them at first and figured that was natural; when she looked around a second time though, she saw them, by the car in the far back, away from the crowd.

They were holding hands, while one of them, the idiot one, waved at her. The other seemed shy and nervous (something Chitoge also concluded to be normal). As she was finally just meters away, they exchanged greetings… for the first time in about 2 years…

"Hey, Chitoge, uhhh h-how's it going?"

"It's whatever really. How about you two?"

"We're, uhh, we're good, good…"

"Good for you then and ohhhh I see you've finally made some progress, congrats. It only took you 10 years."

Raku really wanted to make a smart comeback but was cut off once he saw Chitoge sidestep to punch someone right in the face (Chitoge's idiotic father). She was still as crazy and as a 'gorilla' as ever. Honestly, it made Raku laugh and feel a bit warm inside to see she hasn't changed so much. Sadly, he really didn't know _shit_…

Back at her mansion, finally unpacked, due to the help from well, everyone; Chitoge finally got to apologize to them all and felt satisfied. There was still not one different facial expression from her. She had a mean poker face and wore it as if it were a mask.

That was what set off warning alarms to all of them. Raku was actually the first to notice and just felt all sorts of emotion stir within him. Because from the moment she had stepped off that plane, she didn't smile… once…

She wasn't ok anymore and she wasn't the same. This was a completely different person. She wasn't 'their' Chitoge anymore. She was a complete stranger. And she was only there for 8 weeks…

They thought they could devise a plan and get her back in those 8 weeks. But they were wrong. They all felt it. There really was no going back. And if there's no going back, then there's to only face it and proceed forward…

Problem is… They knew 8 weeks wasn't enough time. They were on a short clock and had to find out all about this new person.

When Chitoge stepped out the room to go get a glass of water, causing them to all snap back to reality; they all immediately stared at each other, dumbfounded. It was like a _game_, and the only thing left to do, was to _**play**_...


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N:** To all of those who doubted me and didn't believe I'd keep my promise of uploading by Sat... Good job, never trust a young, reckless, lazy, poker-playing-drunk, LoL. But anyway, here's the 5th chapter. I put in some metaphors here and there, just saying. So if you don't get em, or they just seem unnecessary to you, well ahhh fuck it, sorry i guess. On the other hand, this chapter i feel is the best one yet. I do have a lot of words italicized and in bold, but that's because it's necessary to explain the depth of that certain word/the tone they would be saying it in. And also how they go from like anxious, to upset, to screaming, to just speaking a level before yelling, etc. etc. So without further ado, enjoy and hope me ain't waste ya time!

Oh and plzzzzz let me know if the grammars bad. It seems fine but I was pretty drunk writing this chapter and while revising it so... yea...

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Once Chitoge had finally gotten her water, she sighed. It was a positive, relief sigh. She finally got away from everyone and could be **alone**.

Being near so many people who cared again was tiring and frankly, she just didn't like it. Well at least not anymore… Guess that's what not feeling anything for over 2 years really does to you is what Chitoge thought.

Although if there was one thing Chitoge liked, it was their faces when they realized on how emotionless she was. Chitoge loved it, even though it was cruel. It's just… the cruelness is what makes it… kind of interesting…!

At that, before knowing she had to return upstairs, before those lunatics call a _goddamn_ search party, Chitoge couldn't help but grin internally. And the only words on her mind at that point were, _'Game on…!'_

Chitoge could hear them talking about her from down the hall. Seriously, practically the fucking neighborhood can. But that's not the point. So halfway to the doorway, she made a noise on purpose to 'warn' them that she was nearby and about to re-enter the room.

Once she did, everyone was quiet, too quiet. I mean, they couldn't be anymore-fucking-obvious about the matter that they were just discussing.

Practically told the cops they had already, indefinitely committed the murder…

But anyway, this actually did put a smile on Chitoge. The only one who noticed that was Raku though.

…..

Fast forward a few hours later—everyone decided it was time to leave—it was getting late and all. While Chitoge walked everyone out the door, finally being able to breathe and take another sigh of relief, she added in a small yelp of surprise.

She was tired so she didn't even notice that Raku wasn't with the group when she walked them to the door. Nor did anyone say anything so she guesses she just subconsciously came to the conclusion that everyone was indeed gone.

Sadly, the one person who wasn't—was just there, sitting on her _fucking_ bed, looking at his _fucking _phone…

"So, Chitoge… What's **up?**"

"Oh nothin' much Raku, weather's just dandy and wh-…"

"No, no, you must've heard me wrong... **What's up?!**"

"So… You've noticed… Well I got to admit, your deduction skills have upgraded from oblivious idiot, to common sense."

"Spare me the harsh criticism. I get it but answer the damn question."

"Ok, well basically I-.."

"I—what…? I—nothing… You're _fucking_ screwing around Chitoge and for some reason you seem to find it fun. Why're you doing this? Is this some sort of game? Cause if it is, you might've not noticed, but it's a one player and frankly I'm not into watching _shitty_ one player _MMORPG's_."

"Well thanks for letting me explain Raku…! But yea, you can spare me the _fucking_ _metaphors_. But nonetheless, you're exactly right. It is a game and I'm enjoying it; maybe because I'm… Well just this once I can do it your way—because I'm the _final boss_."

"And _fate's_ the _designer_, **clever**, I _fucking_ get it… AND YOU THINK THAT'S FINE?! Chitoge, you have people here who are sincerely worried about you and you're just going to _fuc_k with them? Especially when they don't _**fucking**_ deserve it?! What the **fuck** happened-"

"DON'T YOU_FUCKING_ GO THERE RAKU…! YOU KNOW _DAMN_ WELL WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED! And this is what resulted. But fine… Before you even say anything, I'll just **answer** _everything_ for you..."

There was quite a pause after. It wasn't because Chitoge was getting her thoughts together; it's really her hoping she doesn't somehow display any type of emotion…

"Raku… I—I tried everything I could, to forget about _it_. I accepted the situation and then proceeded to _move on_. I met other people, dated other people, **slept** with other people… (Raku's face had gotten really serious at that last remark) And to no avail, did I succeed. I mean, look at me, I _don't_ feel anything. I **can't** feel anything. **I don't **_**want**_** to feel anything. **Because when I did, _nothing_ helped. I couldn't develop feelings for anyone else. I even tried imagining myself with girls to see if I could feel any type of emotional surge (Chitoge pathetically chuckled a bit after admitting that). I got nothing though; I could only feel the physical parts of it all. And it's great. But it's blank, complete nothingness, just _so fucking_ _shallow_. It was driving me insane, that nothing I did for 2 or whatever years, just didn't help. Then food, drinks, **alcohol **even—started losing taste. Next was sleep… And after was—were my _stupid fucking _emotions… I tried getting over you with effort. Then I tried letting time do its thing. And obviously, it didn't work. So in the end, time just ended up _healing_ me, in its own way. And I don't know if I'm happy, but I'm content with it. I can live with it, because I couldn't _live_ before and I'm not going _back.._. I'm so **fucking** _tired_ of trying, Raku. I'm not as strong as everyone thinks. I'm weak and I gave up; I ran away and decided to treat it **and** everything as nothing. No, I chose to be numb and not acknowledge reality anymore; even though that's far worse. And I will continue to do so Raku, because I know—_I know_ I'm not **over you**…"

There was quite a long pause after that too. I mean no one could _really_ have anything to say to that. But Raku managed to. He, well, just did what he does best, be Ichijou Raku…

"That's… That's not fair…! (Chitoge looked at him with surprise after hearing that) Why do you always have to say so much that it **always** leaves me _speechless?_ Why do you do that? You know I can't possibly come up with anything to say to that. And yet, you _fucking_ want me to say something, **don't you**?! YOU WANT ME TO! There's no way you don't. You want to keep pinning all the responsibility on me. But that's not fair! I'm not strong myself! I'm a guy but I'm not strong. I broke your _goddamn_ heart and deserted you. And yet you still want something from me? I'm clearly more at fault if anything but its bullshit to say I'm the _only..._ Chitoge, do you want revenge? Tell me already; I can't take it anymore! _Every-single-fucking-time_ I see you, I just want to cry. And I'm the one who's doing that, for the **both** of _us_. So…"

See, Raku thought he was really going somewhere with this. But really, he didn't. He knew he was stumped. I mean she told him all of that, **knowing **he couldn't possibly have even a decent thing to say… And it's so _fucking_ _cruel_. It's as if he was reading from a script and it just came to an abrupt end or to a point where it was an indication to improvise; and if you couldn't tell by now, improvising isn't Raku's forte.

It also truly angers him. Raku feels as if he's being controlled and that he actually has no say in the matter. And if he does, why the fuck does the script have to 'run out' and leave him hanging there to just swell up with additional sorrow and regret. Did the 'director/writer' plan for this, is he a goddamn sadist? Shit if he is, Raku just hates it because of how _fucked_ he feels at the moment, no puns intended...

The _best_ part though, even if this whole dramatic, depressing, life-changing event isn't within his ability to change—for there to be a happy ending—he hopes, _begs_ that he can get one. Because he's tired too and he just wants to stop running away from it all; from his heart, from himself, from Chitoge…

And weirdly, as if that 'prayer' was just granted, he for some reason felt a sudden urge; an urge that gives him the slightest bit of confidence that he can at least attempt to _fix_ it. So of course he's going to take it…

"Chitoge."

"What?"

"Chitoge."

"What?!"

"Chitoge… Chitoge… **Chitoge**..."

While furious, Chitoge abruptly stands and charges right over at Raku, leaving her now, just inches away from his face; now bending down, while clutching Raku's shirt, with both her **shaking** hands… Chitoge just stares at him, before exploding a bit again, due to his now sudden silence…

"Stop saying my _damn _name and tell me; tell me what the hell it is that you want?!"

"Chi-…"

Raku really was going to say her name one more time, but he didn't. He didn't, because he didn't _have to._ What he did do though, was he finally kissed her. He just looked up and moved forward just 3 inches, and kissed her. It wasn't even that great a kiss; nor was it a deep kiss. But what it did have—was the slightest hint of compassion—and a huge hint of _wanted_ potential.

"Why, why the hell did you just kis-…"

"Because…! Because I had to! I've already confirmed what I somehow knew was definitely still there."

Chitoge was stunned at that. Not just because the sentence sounded really ironic and… confusing in a sense (because it did) but because… of the serious, happy-ish look on his face…

"What… what do you mean by that, Raku?"

"Well if you looked in a mirror, you'd see the tear falling, from the right side of your face; you'd also see the slightest hint of a blush if you stare hard enough… You would also notice the shaking your hands are constantly doing right now… And you would _see _that you can still _**feel**_…"

She didn't want to believe it. Chitoge really didn't want to believe it. Because she was fine with the way the she was now. She's _perfectly fine_ with it. She didn't mind it at all.

Chitoge _preferred_ it this way actually. She wanted it this way. She was tired of feeling sad, depressed, scared… She was tired of being strong and unloved… So she wanted to stay this way and to accomplish that, Chitoge knows that she needs to run. She needs to run and hide; she wants to go back to America and stay there for the rest of her life. And she can only do that successfully if she runs for it,** now**, at this very moment…

Right when Chitoge had made her decision, ready to take off once again—the abrupt feeling of cold, slightly chapped lips touched her own and sucked her in. They meshed so perfectly and created warmth so foreign and comforting, that it was truly, (as cheesy as can be) _unimaginable_…

Next thing she knows, instead of taking off for the door—Chitoge was taking off her clothes and letting the feeling of being kissed and ravished upon just _finally,_ take over, **completely**…


End file.
